I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
