Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
