Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
