They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
