I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They have beer where we have blood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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