you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
