Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
