Will you blow on my dice?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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