OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like abortions should bother me more
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
