He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
