So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
