what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
