SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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