South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
