Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
