I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
