We named our party play list daddy issues
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
