it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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