nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
