I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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