I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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