dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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