She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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