NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
