Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
