you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
