been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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