I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
