Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
