Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
