I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
