He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
