it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
