Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
