If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
