No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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