with your own penis?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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