it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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