Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
