I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
