dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
