I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hippo gnu deer
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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