Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
