I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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