True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
