We won't sleep together?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Floor bacon is actually really good
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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