Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
