well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
