I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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