Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
