Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
