i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
