So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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