At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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