Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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