I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
